Who’s Running Who?

Who’s Running Who?

“Whenever I climb I am followed by a Dog called ‘Ego’ -Friedrich Nietzche


Learning how-to love and accept ourselves at any given time is a never ending course in self-mastery. With the ever looming super-ego spouting out more than 3000 adverts filled with subconscious messages of what our life ‘should’ look like each day, finding our authentic thoughts and expressing our unique voice can often be an overwhelming, chaotic and for many an arduous task. The term ‘ego’ is literally derived from Latin and translated into English means ‘I’. So if ego means ‘I’, why do so many spiritual teachers want us to get rid of ourselves?

Have we turned into a self-abusive culture who has now turned on ourself? Many popular spiritual movements blame the ‘ego’ for nearly everything negative that occurs in our world but what most people rarely talk about is the fact that our ‘ego’ or ‘our physical self’ has the capability and the power to make those detrimental changes we spiritually yearn to see manifested into the physical form. By blaming the ‘ego’ for all of our problems, we are essentially doing nothing more than giving up responsibility by becoming victims of our own reality and creating an inner duality which can only be mended by accepting those aspects we like and do not like about ourselves.

The main problem seems to be that the ‘ego’ or again ‘self’ always gets a bad rap but the ego only has as much power as you give it. You could easily choose to operate from your soul as well as your heart.

- The ego only has as much power as you give it.-

So how do you sort through the heaps of mind garbage to find out what’s yours an what’s not? Well, the answer may be a lot easier than you may have previously thought, yet it is the hardest thing for most of us to do. Take responsibility of your mind. Three Simple Ways to Quiet Your Ego If you are a person who loves to live life to the fullest, you may fall into the awful habit of leaving your mind on overdrive. Do you constantly find yourself thinking of things you have to do in the future? Or reflecting back on what someone else did or said to wrong you in the past? If so you are loosing out on experiencing the present moment.

Below are a list of three life rules that I use whenever I notice that I living on ego overdrive.

1.)Go Back to Nature. The ego loves to make plans but hates spontanaiety. One way to take back your power is to spontaneously get into action by going for a walk or cycling in a natural setting. Sponataneous trips into nature allow your ego the rest it deserves after planning an plotting all day. A healthy ego can be very helpful when you see something that needs defiant change and take action to make that positive difference but if you don’t get into the habit of turning off your motor, you ego like any other engine can and will burn out.

2.) Meditation and/or Hypnosis. If it were up to the ego we would be busy trying to get a million things done a day. The problem with ‘trying’ to do everything is that we rarely get any one thing mindfully done. Active and daily meditative practices allow our mind a peaceful break from the busy traffic flow of the 70,000 thoughts our brain produces daily. Learning how-to calm our mind is a wonderful way to fully experience the present moment. Regular meditative practices not only give your mind a peaceful break but they also lead you to the deeper realization that we are all soul’s having a physical experience.


3.)Give.The third way most effective way to exercise your ego in a healthy manner is to give! Find a creative outlet to exercise opening up your heart and feeling more from your soul! There are so many children worldwide who would relish in having loving and positive mentoring, seniors who feed off the warmth of another caring soul and even your next door neighbor might need someone to relate to. You don’t have to look far to see that the people who need you to be balanced the most are usually right next to you.

When you open your heart to compassion your ego is automatically silenced and you fill a void which no material object can ever replace. Integrating these peaceful, compassionate loving and practical routines into your day will energize your spirit and reaffirm what really matters most to you on your journey through life.

Finding The Love Of Your Life By Ben Ormonde

Ben Ormonde - Personal Transformation Coach


Originally Published on : Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Finding The Love Of Your Life


by Ben Ormonde
Personal Transformation Coach


How to attract and keep The Love Of Your Life.

St Valentines Day is approaching, love is in the air for many and others are wondering when, if ever, their Prince Charming or Princess Perfection is going to arrive.

If you’ve been longing to connect with “The Love Of Your Life” or “Soulmate” and he or she has been elusive I’m going to explain what’s happening and what to do about it from a Law of Attraction perspective. The word “soulmate” has now become part of popular language. It really does sound so absolutely wonderful and romantic because what you’re asking for is a mate for your soul.

If you are looking for your soul mate, what you are indicating is that you are aware that you have a soul and that there is a part of you that you may call spiritual or divine and that you would really like to share your human journey with someone who’s a match to that deeper part of you.
Many people never get to know or get in touch with that deeper part of themselves, so they’re likely to just attract partners, not soulmates. The romantic notion of a soulmate is one of a perfectly matched other half who makes us feel balanced, loved, wanted, safe and complete.


Soulmate is not necessarily defined as a romantic, sexual or marriage relationship. Soulmates show up in many different forms. You can have friends, business associates or family members who are soulmates and even pets who you would call soulmates.

What we’re really here to talk about is the romantic soulmate, meeting the one, finding the love of your life, to share our lives with, the one who is going to enhance this human experience and who we may possibly even marry and spend the rest of our lives with.

Why then is finding the love of our life so illusive for so many? This is where the rubber meets the road. The answer is that you need to first fall in love with yourself. I don’t mean that in a conceited or narcissistic way. What I’m saying is that you need to already have a life in which you feel valuable, contented, and you are living a life that is on purpose and full regardless of whether you have a partner or not. This is an inside job.


Before you can know your soul mate, you have to know your own soul. If you don’t know yourself and like yourself, you really don’t stand much chance of meeting someone who will want to know you and like you.

You literally have to fall in love with yourself before anyone else is likely to. This may not be what you want to hear because you’d rather have someone just love you than you loving yourself, but it just doesn’t work that way. It works from the inside out.


The feeling of euphoria early in a new relationship has absolutely nothing to do with real genuine love. It has everything to do with a rush of all the feel good hormones rushing to our brain in the same way as addictive drugs do. It feels absolutely fantastic. We’ve all been there, we meet this new person and we have such a great time and I just love being around you, time flies, I’ve got butterflies in my stomach, I feel weak at the knees, I feel like I’m in love with you and I want to marry you and live with you forever and have children with you! Sound familiar? This is why people get so addicted to getting that feeling of “being in love”. It’s all hormones. Real long term love relationships need to be built on very solid foundations. In human terms, this means a relationship built by two grounded, contented people who are already living their lives on purpose.


Being dependent on the behaviour of another person to make you happy and to give you a feeling of wellbeing is profoundly unhealthy. It puts you in a prison of dependency and sows the seeds of co-dependency. In co-dependencies, people end up blaming each other.
Healthy long term romantic, soulmate relationships are grounded in unconditional love, meaning that you live your lives as self actualized people who choose to get together in a spirit of sharing rather than neediness. This means living independent of the opinions or behaviour or the other person.


Anyone who says, I have so much love to give and nobody to give it to, is really saying, I’m the emotional black hole and I will suck every bit of life from you that you allow me to. What this means is that somebody who ‘needs’ a soul mate is coming from a sense of desperation and if you’re desperate, desperation repels. The more desperate you feel, the more you push away what you want. That’s just the way the Law of Attraction works. We’ve all met people who are very desperate and it’s really very hard for them to find a mate because they don’t like themselves.


If however you’re a person who has a real sense that you’re a valuable, good person and that there’s love in you and beauty in you, and that you would like to share your love instead of needing someone to fill in a black hole, then you are in the perfect position to attract someone who will enhance your earthly experience.


The Law of Attraction says that Like attracts Like. You may have noticed that desperate people attract other desperate people. Have you also noticed what happens when you feel really good about yourself, when you’re relaxed, joyful, creative and playful, you feel like you could just be alone and have some fun on your own if you want to? When you get to that blissful inner feeling of contentedness regardless of having a partner, that’s when the right people seem to magically show up. The reason is because whole people are attracted to whole people. So before you can attract a whole person, you have to become whole person. You have to become the person you want to attract.


The worst line I have ever heard used in a movie was in Jerry McGuire. The line was “You complete me”! What that line means is that if you are somehow empty, broken, lost, screwed up or messed up and if you just found that right one person to fill the void and be everything to you that you are not to yourself, well, you’ll then be ok. Does that mean that two broken halves will make one perfect whole couple? I don’t think so.

If you define yourself as a broken or half person and you think that if I could just get with another broken or half person, maybe we could fill in each others blanks and somehow end up with a whole one. What you end up with is less than what you started with. This is all about self love and the moment you can genuinely fall in love with yourself, you become extremely attractive to other people. I know, it’s a bit of a paradox. The way it works is this; before you can really have somebody else, you have to not need somebody else. In other words, when you are totally willing to go it alone, if you have to, then almost magically, the chemistry happens for you and you end up going with someone else. That someone else may well be “The Love Of Your Life”.

I hope that you find the idea of falling in love with yourself and your life regardless of having a partner as exciting as I do. When you get yourself to that point of contentment, you will be radiantly attractive and your soul mate will be drawn to you like a magnet.


What do you think? I would love to hear your comments below and answer your questions.
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I look forward to your comments and questions.


Ben Ormonde
Personal Transformation Coach
Contagious Enthusiasm Self Development and Wellness Centre.